Tuesday, 26 April 2011

Love is also...

Love is… Love is... #52 (1995)
being a good neighbour.

From Lao-Tzu

"If there is to be peace in the world,
There must be peace in the nations.

If there is to be peace in the nations,
There must be peace in the cities.

If there is to be peace in the cities,
There must be peace in between neighbors,

If there is to be peace between neighbors,
There must be peace in the home.

If there is to be peace in the home,
There must be peace in the heart..."
Love is… love-is-66-1995
a sign that spring can’t be far away.

My Heart Makes Its Own Weather

My heart makes its own weather,
So let the world grow gray;
My heart starts saying April
When April’s far away.
In spite of rain and reason
And winter on the wing,
My heart has its own season,
And my heart says it is spring!
Blow wind and bitter weather,
Come care and whistling cold,
An April heart will never
Grow gray or crabbed or old.
Time is a wrinkled treason;
Age is an old untruth
Heart, keep your changeless season,
Green April, golden youth!
by Dillet Freeman

Saturday, 23 April 2011

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Friday, 22 April 2011

TEST: What kind of self-saboteur are you?

At times the only thing standing between you and success is you. Take this test, by Dr Rebecca McGuire-Snieckus, psychologist at The Mind Gym, to discover your negative patterns and find strategies to help you break the cycle

TEST: What kind of self-saboteur are you?

Why humans want more than happiness: Psychologies Article

"Martin Seligman has every reason to be a happy man. Back in 1998, he used his presidency of the American Psychological Association to promote the idea that psychology should not just be about solving problems, but creating better mental health in everyone. Since then, the rise of ‘positive psychology’ has been all but unstoppable, with Seligman’s bookAuthentic Happiness (Nicholas Brealey Publishing) its key text.
Authentic happiness, Seligman argued, required three things: positive emotion, engagement with the world and others, and a sense of meaning and purpose. He proposed ways of achieving this blessed state, even setting out a gold standard for measuring it: life satisfaction, the score between one and 10 people give themselves for how satisfied they are with their lot.
And so, the ‘science of happiness’, as it is often called, became more and more influential, spawning dozens of bestsellers and even being called on by governments eager to improve the ‘gross domestic happiness’ of their citizens.
But Seligman was not happy. That was only in part because, as he admits, he himself has low ‘positive affectivity’, as a not naturally cheerful nature is called in the jargon. He also wasn’t happy with happiness itself. Instead of positive psychology being about living a rich, full life, as he intended, it was perceived as a pure ‘happyology’ – all about achieving a cheerful mood. So now, in his book Flourish, happiness is out and wellbeing, or ‘flourishing’, is in.
The three elements of authentic happiness have grown to the five components of flourishing: positive emotion, engagement,positive relationships, meaning and accomplishment. PERMA, for short.
I went to Seligman’s home town of Philadelphia to talk to him about what lies behind this change of heart and mind. Having read Flourish, with its bold claim to be ‘a visionary new understanding of happiness and wellbeing’, I expected to find a man without any doubts, supremely confident, perhaps to the point of arrogance. That’s certainly how many of my predecessors had judged him. Instead, I found a more cautious, modest Seligman, one who says Flourish is ‘just a work in progress’. So, just how far has that work already come?"
To read the full interview, pick up the May issue of Psychologies, out now 

The joy of giving by David Servan-Schreiber

"I remember one of my psychotherapy teachers telling me that the fields in which people are happiest are those where they can directly help others — fire fighter, psychologist, minister, physician, social worker. I, too, had chosen to stop doing laboratory research to devote more time to working in clinics and to the charityMédecins Sans Frontières. I wanted my day-to-day contact to be with human beings rather than machines at the research centre.
Matthieu Ricard, a monk and Buddhist philosopher, likes to remind his readers that the only reliable source of wellbeing is not what we do for our own pleasure, but what we do to make those around us happy. After all, each and every one of us has the capacity to reach out to others, even if our actual motivation may be selfish (because we want to feel good about ourselves).
At Vancouver University in Canada, researcher Elizabeth Dunn gave a small sum of money to two groups of students. The first group was told to spend it on themselves (paying bills or buying themselves something), and the second group was told to use it for buying a nice gift for someone or making a donation to a charitable organisation.When they came back at the end of their day out, those who’d bought themselves clothes or an electronic gadget had experienced a moment of pleasure but had gained no lasting satisfaction. The other group, however, having used their money to make someone happy, came back beaming with pleasure.
Father Ceyrac, a French Jesuit missionary, once wrote, ‘All that is not given is lost’. I’m not sure I’d go that far. But what I do know is that the next time we’re feeling a bit down, we’d be better off thinking of someone close to us whom we could help, rather than going shopping or tucking in to a tub of ice-cream. If we all adopted this model of happiness through altruism, it could only brighten the state of the planet, crisis or no crisis."

Pink Flower

Friday, 8 April 2011

The man who has no imagination has no wings...

Bruce Lee Quotes:
Forget about winning and losing; forget about pride and pain. Let your opponent graze your skin and you smash into his flesh; let him smash into your flesh and you fracture his bones; let him fracture your bones and you take his life. Do not be concerned with escaping safely - lay your life before him.
Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.

If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you'll never get it done.

The key to immortality is first living a life worth remembering.
Don't get set into one form, adapt it and build your own, and let it grow, be like water. Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water. Now you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup; You put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle; You put it into a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.
To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person.
Mohammed Ali Quotes

"Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth."

The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life."

"It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it's the pebble in your shoe."

"Wars of nations are fought to change maps. But wars of poverty are fought to map change."

"Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them: A desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill."

"If you even dream of beating me you'd better wake up and apologise."

"It's lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believe in myself."

"The man who has no imagination has no wings."

Linked post:Invictus

Motivation - Keep Moving baby: Thats how winning's done!

I procrastinate with the best of them. I do all the unnecessary just to put of the necessary. In fact this is me on a good day:

Tales of Mere Existence - Procrastination:

But what does procrastination actually achieve? The longer you put of the necessary, the more urgent and necessary it becomes.

It does not go away it just gets bigger and bigger, so that the task of completing it seems even more enormous than when you started.

Sure the short term gain is that you let yourself of and you don't have to think about that big task (whatever it may be, project, deadline, job app -insert yours here) for today.

But tomorrow you will have one less day to complete that task, and the day after tomorrow you will have two less days to complete that task and so on. Plus if we are continuously putting of things that seem hard in life - what kind of person does that make us?

How will we grow? How will we learn to overcome if we don't attempt to climb over those obstacles instead of pretending their not there?

How will we learn if we're too afraid to experience?...

And maybe thats the crux? We are afraid. We fear change. We fear the unknown. We fear Fear. But let me tell you. You are better than that:

Life is not easy. No one ever said it would be...No body will hit as hard as life - but "its not about how hard you hit its about how hard you can get hit and keep on going - thats how winning is done!"

Our Deepest Fear: by Marianne Williamson
(as heard following video link: Motivation - "Be Great, Powerful Beyond Measure" )

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Rocky Motivational Speech to his son - click here for video version

"You used to fit right here. I'd hold you up and say to your mother, this kids going the best kid in the world.  This kid is going to be somebody better than anybody ever knew.  
And you grew up good and wonderful it was great just watching you, every day was like a privilege. 

Then the time came to be you're own man and take on the world and you did!  But somewhere along the line you changed. You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you're no good and when things got hard, you started looking for something to blame. Like a Big Shadow. 
Let me tell you something you already know. The world aint all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it...
You me or nobody is going to hit hard as life, but it aint about how hard you hit, its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward. Thats how winning is done!  
Now if you know what you are worth go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits and not pointing fingers saying you aint where want to be because of him or her or anybody. Cowards do that and that aint you!  You're better than that!
...Until you start believing in yourself you aint gonna have a life."


Lined post: http://thenakedphoenix.blogspot.com/2011/05/taste-rainbow.html

Thursday, 7 April 2011

Are you Calling out to me?

Pull up a chair hun, lets talk a while…

I know you’re feeling really low right now - I see it in your eyes and how they cant meet mine, I hear it in the exhaustion in your voice… but come closer hun, I have a lot of love to give and hell, its your lucky day…
I love you for the mere fact that you are another human being. I’m reaching out through this screen to let you know you are not alone - I got ya back ;)

I know some times ish gets really hard - you feel like theres no way out of the situation you’re in, and you cannot remember what its like to laugh or why people even feel the inclination to do so.

Everything feels so freaking pointless right now. I know that you have days when you just want to retreat into your shell and say fux it! Fux the world today y’all can all go to hell I dont want a part of this no more…!

And honey I want to let you know that thats ok. You take as long as you need as long as you make me one promise… that no matter how hard it gets…and believe me sweety this sh*t gets hard sometimes…that you remember who you are…

You have been through the toughest crap and come out the otherside. I’m guessing not once but several times. You’re a warrior baby -just like me, and we dont let the small immaterial things of this world get us down. As long as there is another breath in our body we will fight another day. Now those demons pursuing you ( the negative thoughts, and the toxic people) well they dont give up easy. Those SOBs just keep coming and coming, but dont worry baby I’m on your team!

And heres what we’re gonna do - were gonna look that mess right in the eye, were gonna take everything we got - every ounce of strengh, wisdom, knowledge and experience to get through this in the knowledge that we will come out stronger, tougher wiser and one of Phoenixs warriors baby! So when you are next feeling down - just remember I’m on your team, and what did I say - I said look that mess straight in the eye and walk through it anyway - cause you know what - you’re stronger than you know…
Let me know how you get on - here for ya baby,

Featued video: Eminem - Beautiful!

Much love

Suicide: "Tell Hell I aint Coming!"

“Suicide - a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”
– Phil Donahue

I understand you’re feeling desperate and hopeless, but before doing anything, please read this, and use the links at the bottom of this page.

10 reasons not to commit suicide
Post taken from: http://www.the-bright-side.org/site/t...
“If you’re reading this, there is at least a small part in you that doesn’t want to die. Listen to it, and please read on.

Suicide is final – once it’s done, there’s no changing your mind. Since you have even the slightest of doubts, you owe it to yourself to stay alive.
You can always kill yourself later, why not wait? Even if you wait just one day, you may find a reason not to kill yourself in the meantime.
If you’re feeling suicidal, you’re probably in more pain than you know how to handle. There are ways to reduce the pain, and ways to learn to deal with pain. You can learn both - either way things will get better.

Just because you’re feeling suicidal doesn’t mean you have to act on that feeling.
Consider this – if you’re trying to escape from the pain you are in and seek relief, suicide is not the answer. You cannot feel relief, or anything else for that matter, if you are dead. You must stay alive in order to feel the relief you seek.

Often when feeling suicidal you feel alone. You are not alone – you found us didn’t you? Turn to your family or friends or a priest or a rabbi – anyone that will listen. If you don’t know whom to turn to, use the links on the right-hand side of this page to find resources that can help.
By terminating your life right now, you terminate your future. Consider this – we create our own future. You have the power to create whatever future you wish for yourself. But you need to be alive in order to have that future.

If you’re sensitive enough to be in so much pain that you no longer want to live, you’re probably sensitive enough to care about, and want to help others. Maybe you don’t feel like helping anyone else right now, but why not help yourself? And perhaps by not killing yourself and overcoming your difficulties you can later help someone else who is in a similar situation.

Finally, don’t do it because I’m personally asking you not to. Whatever you’re feeling, whatever you’re going through, things can get better – I know because I’ve been there. Maybe I haven’t experienced exactly what you have, but not only have I thought of suicide, I tried it – thankfully I was unsuccessful and I can speak from personal experience when I tell you things can get better.”

Use the resources below to help - remember you are a winner not a quitter!

Remember, you cannot change your mind if you commit suicide - but you can always have options if you hold onto hope!

In the UK The Samaritans are a well known organisation that offer support for the suicidal. The service is completely confidential.
Telephone: 08457 90 90 90 (UK)
1850 60 90 90 if you are in the Republic of Ireland
E-mail: jo at samaritans.org
Anonymous E-mail: samaritans at anon.twwells.com

UK resources and support for those dealing with suicide, depression or emotional distress particularly teenagers and young adults. They have HOPElineUK which you can call
from 7pm to 10pm, Monday to Friday and 2pm to 5pm at weekends.
Telephone: 087017 04000 or 01978 367333

Maytree is a sanctuary for the suicidal. There is a need for accommodation in a non-medical setting for those in a suicidal crisis and in danger of taking their own lives and which offers time, space and respite. Maytree aims to meet this need. There is a gap in the services available to the suicidal between the medical, largely psychiatric and longer term, and the voluntary sector, offering help lines and hostels. Maytree fills this gap.
contact : 020 7263 7070 (email removed) any time, day or night

Befrienders International
is a worldwide link to find suicide support whichever country you are in.

Depression Alliance
Is a charity offering information and support to people affected by depression. The website contains information about the symptoms of depression, treatments for depression, and Depression Alliance campaigns and publications. Also has details of self-help groups across the UK and correspondence schemes, providing contact and friendship.

Lifeline Australia
Call 13 11 14

A cry in the dark - A Yahoo mailing list offering non judgemental support for those who are having probelms with self injury, feelings of suicide, depression and eating problems.

No Woman, No Cry


"Don't quit when the hill is the steepest,
For your goal is almost nigh,
Don't quit, for you're not a failure,
Until you fail to try..."

We all have problems. We are not alone in that. Some problems are bigger than others, but all are significant because unless we resolve our problems we cannot move forward and enjoy the most precious gift of all - life.

With google at our finger tips, and our own personal insight into our own problems, we can all find the solutions, support and resources we need. We know what we have to do, yet often dont.

So perhaps the issue is not that we don’t know what is best for us but that we are afraid. We are afraid of what will happen if we do what we know we have to in order to resolve our problem. Which if you think about it makes no sense.

Fear is our natural alarm system telling us to act and to act now. Not taking action does not make the fear go away. Instead the fear keeps sounding like a car alarm and the ringing gets louder and louder unless we learn to address it.

Since the fear of resolving the problem wont go away and the problem itself wont go away unless we take action - isnt the most logical thing to do -  to take action.

Once you take action you will logically no longer fear the action because it has already happened and because of the action you have taken the problem will either be resolved or a step closer to being resolved - so its a win-win situation.

It follows that what we need to do is accept fear. Accept that fear is a natural call to act. Accept this fear, feel it and do what you need to anyway in the knowledge that the only way to get rid of the fear and the problem is to act, and act now.

When we are born, we are born with only two fears. Just two. The fear of falling and the fear of sudden noise. All other fears are learnt and built upon as we experience life. We all feel fear, but the most successful people know how to accept and control this fear and not let it stop them from doing what they must do to move on/ move ahead…

Recomended book:
Susan Jeffers ...Feel The Fear and do It Anyway...

Linked post: http://thenakedphoenix.blogspot.com/2011/04/motivation-keep-moving-baby-thats-how.html

When its more than just shyness …

DesiComments.com | LonelySad Guy | Forward this Picture

“What is Social Anxiety?

‘Regular’ social anxiety is known to all of us as an uncomfortable feeling of nervousness. Many people have particular worries about social situations like public speaking or talking to authority figures, or experience more general feelings of shyness or a lack of confidence.
For some, however, these social anxieties and fears can become much more troubling and difficult to cope with. Everyday tasks which most people take for granted - such as working, socialising, shopping, speaking on the telephone, even just going out of the house - might be a wearing ordeal marked by persistent feelings of anxiety and self-consciousness. Public performances or social gatherings might be out of the question.

When the social anxiety becomes this bad, sufferers could be diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder, also known as Social Phobia. Shyness is not a criteria for diagnosis. Sufferers differ in how naturally reserved or outgoing they may be and in regard to the sorts of situations or people they might find most difficult or might be OK with. Individuals who are particularly socially inhibited, avoidant and sensitive to criticism or rejection may meet criteria for Avoidant Personality Disorder, now seen by many as only the more extreme or generalised end of an ‘SA spectrum’.

Sufferers typically experience excessive feelings of nervousness or dread in relation to feared social situations. They may experience specific physical symptoms such as trembling, rapid breathing, sweating or blushing. At the extreme, panic attacks can occur. Sufferers tend to be very self-conscious and worried about whether others might be evaluating them negatively. They tend to ruminate over past social incidents, worrying about how they might have come across.

At a deeper level, sufferers can experience chronic insecurity about their relationships with others, hypersensitivity to criticism, or fears of being rejected by others. Many people can go through this kind of experience during adolescence, but for SA’ers the problems can persist well beyond those years. Over time, many sufferers come to avoid the situations they fear or become very inhibited or defensive in situations, often leading to depression and loneliness.

If you have experienced or do experience feelings such as these, you could well have Social Anxiety or the more severe form - Social Anxiety Disorder. Experiencing these kinds of feelings and thoughts can be very isolating, you can feel like the only person in the world with these kinds of problems, but one of the most reassuring things that many people gain from joining the SAUK community is that they are not alone, that others have experienced and continue to experience the same thoughts and feelings.
Do not despair in your situation, there is help available, work continues within the field of Social Anxiety and many techniques and methods are now employed in helping people cope with and overcome the thoughts and feelings that drive Social Anxiety, and support is always available through the SAUK Forum and Chatroom, try to remember, you are not alone.”

Common Features
People with social anxiety tend to have specific negative beliefs about themselves in social situations. These beliefs are usually triggered by an up and coming social event, causing anticipatory anxiety. When we become social anxious we tend to focus on how we are coming across to others. These thoughts cause us to feel physical symptoms of anxiety that can cause embarrassment. Usually, when we become socially anxious we have set ourselves high standard of how to act, that are unrealistic or rules we would not usually place on others. Often when we are socially anxious we think about how we could do better in social situations - causing the fear on entering an event and the churning over past interactions.

Treatment Options
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) is the treatment of choice for social anxiety disorder.
CBT address the way information is processed in social anxiety disorder by understanding the process and finding new ways of thinking, feeling and behaving in specific interactions. Patients usually require 8-12 sessions of therapy.

Efficacy is a pure CBT service based in three London locations and Sevenoaks with a team of BABCP accredited CBT therapists. All accredited cognitive behavioural therapists will be trained mental health professionals and competent in the diagnosis and treating social anxiety. So you can be assured that you health is in the hands of trusted health care professionals.

Evidence Base
Cognitive behaviour therapy is effective in adults and has been shown to reduce symptoms, improve function and improve quality of life. CBT aims to change the way one thinks, behaves and feels, so one learns to identify the thoughts and feelings that are causing certain behaviours.
Telephone: 020 7808 7900

For more help and info:

http://londoncognitivebehaviouralpsychotherapy.co.uk/social-anxiety-disorde r-cbt-london.html?gclid=CIzwiPDp7qcCFQoa4QodKzD-aw

Other International Support:

Contact addresses 
A directory of contact addresses for national and international support groups and organisations, including a state-by-state listing for the USA, is provided at: http://www.open-mind.org/SP/Help/2.htm

Freedom From Fear 
An easy-access patient-dedicated site for this USA-based charity. Information on membership, meetings and events, and a message board is included. Detailed patient information on anxiety and depressive disorders is available.http://freedomfromfear.com

First Steps to Freedom
The website of this UK charity for individuals with anxiety disorders or phobias provides details of a confidential help line, as well as membership information. Fact sheets on a range of anxiety disorders and phobias can be obtained by writing to the organisation. http://www.firststeps.demon.co.uk/

National Phobic Society 
The website for this UK-based organisation is soon to be launched. In the meantime, contact details are available from:http://www.open-mind.org/SP/Help/2.htm

South African Depression and Anxiety Support Group 
The website of this organisation provides information on forthcoming meetings, and a referral list of medical professionals. In addition, a help line, a question and answer section, and quarterly newsletters are available. With over 7000 members nationwide, this organisation provides valuable support for people in South Africa who suffer from anxiety disorders. http://www.anxiety.org.za

Time...is running out

What would you do if your bank credited your account with £86,400 every morning.  
This balance could not be carried over to the next day,  and each and every night every penny you failed to spend would be deleted?  As there is no guarantee that you will see another morning...what would you do?  
...Draw out every penny and invest it wisely!

It just so happens we are given 86,400 seconds a day. How you spend it is up to you…except tomorrow is not promised your 86,400 seconds are running out and this could be the last 86,400 seconds you ever get…

Enjoy every single moment...tomorrow is not promised...]

This may be your last shot...