The Naked Phoenix
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Sunday, 8 May 2011
Cure for loneliness…
WRITTEN BY CHUCK GALLOZZI
"People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges
You see, our yearning to be accepted and to delight others with our presence
forces us to discover where we fit
in and what role to play. The purpose of loneliness is self-discovery, as was
pointed out by Hermann Hesse
(1877 ~ 1962) who wrote,
“Loneliness is the way by which destiny endeavors to
lead man to himself.”..
If we have a feeling of emptiness, it is because we are not focused on a
purpose for living.
All we have to do is stop, reflect, examine our interests and options,
and choose a path.
All paths lead to the mountaintop. As long as we are on a path, we will have a
sense of direction. And all paths lead away from loneliness, for loneliness is stagnation,
passivity, and inaction.
So, you see, loneliness is nothing more than a call for action.
heed that call, we move forward.
But when we refuse to act, there is the danger of prolonging our loneliness.
Left untreated, we begin to feel
trapped and helpless. When we continue to leave it unattended, there is a chance
of slipping into chronic loneliness and depression.
The message is clear: when loneliness strikes, action is
Facing our loneliness and taking suitable action needs clear thinking. Unfortunately,
some people are held back by distorted thinking and a negative attitude. By distorted
thinking, I mean the belief that one’s loneliness is caused
by an unfair world, cruel people, or tragic circumstances.
Rich or poor, young or old, we are all given 1,440 minutes a day to use as we choose.
Whether we take advantage
of the gift of time or squander it, we will reap the consequences. What can be fairer
than that? This should
dispense with the argument that the world is unfair.
From the psychological view, we can say that
loneliness is a yearning to be reunited
with our lost self.
As a young child, we were happy to be the person we were. But then our caregivers an
d others intervened,
pointing out our faults, flaws, misdeeds, defects, blunders, and transgressions. We came
to dislike who we were.
So, we were torn apart from our original happy self, a person that we may continue to
miss and long for.
Loneliness, then, is being unhappy with oneself, for as Wayne Dyer says, “You cannot
be lonely if you like the
person you’re alone with.”
As soon as we learn to like ourselves, we will no longer be uncomfortable when
alone, and our
loneliness will fade away.
What’s more, when we are at ease with ourselves, others
will find us comfortable
to be with, so attracting new friends will come naturally. But how do we learn to like
ourselves? It’s easy: be good;
do good, and you will feel good. And feeling good is just another way to describe
happiness or self-contentment.
Volunteering is a wonderful way to end loneliness.
Think of all the lonely people
in hospitals and old age
homes that would be delighted to spend time with you. Besides offering the opportunity
to make new friends and
learn new things, volunteering makes you feel good about yourself. So, keep in mind the
words of Tennessee
Williams (1914 ~ 1983), “When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be
inexcusably selfish to be
lonely alone.” Besides volunteering, think about support groups, clubs, meetings, sports,
and other activities.
It’s hard to be lonely when you’re busy!
Finally, develop a positive attitude. Do this by reading inspirational material.
A wonderful piece to start
with is “Desiderata,”
which was written in 1927 by Attorney, Max Ehrmann (1872 ~ 1945).
If you follow its
instructions, you will not only end loneliness, but also find your path and values in life.
Here is “Desiderata”
(Latin for “those things to be desired”):
“Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in
silence. As far as possible,
without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and
clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive
persons, they are vexations
to the spirit.
“If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always
there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements
as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career,
however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time."
The Naked Phoenix aka Goddess of Truth
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